If MPs are doing it, why can't we?
Whilst keeping a respectful distance from Parliament (about five miles as the crow flies), we still see the Tuftons and Bufftons that have taken root on those once hallowed benches as a source of inspiration.
This is especially the case when it comes to managing our expenses.
If something can be claimed for, claim for it. You see, as socialists, we don't really think it's right for you lot to be trusted with our money. So we find every opportunity to prise it from your sticky little mitts.
And what better way to do that than with our expenses?
MPs claim £400 per month food allowance for one person (perhaps that's why some of them are so fat) so we see it as our duty to claim the maximum on everything. After all, it's all there to be used. Right?
Why have an allowance if you don't use it?
Use it or lose it is the motto here.
And as we're the bloody regulator there's no tosser going to come along and tell us how much of your money we can or can't spend.
Quis custodiet ipsos custodes?
Oh, bollocks! Somebody wrote that on the bog wall the other day. No, not Oh bollocks!, although that does feature in the repertoire of some, especially them that use the girls' bog for some reason. No, the other thing.
Quis custodiet ipsos custodes?
Nobody here can fathom what it could possibly mean. After all, we speaka some Spanish, Italian and Muslim, plus a little English, but not all that highfalutin' stuff.
A total lack of controls
We're a little, ahem, sloppy with the administration of our expenses.
Well, you'd expect that from the regulator of the UK banking system that failed to anticipate the banking crisis of 2007.
It took us right by surprise.
So you're right to expect all of our administration to be a little frayed around the edges After all, what's more important, ensuring the stability of the banking system or working day and night on that TCF crap and making sure the conshoomer was getting a fair deal?
We chose the latter.
So when we see people walking out of here with just the right amount of your money we get suspicious. If they're not claiming the maximum on their expenses they must have conservative political views or something really nasty to hide. We root them out. The favourite treatment is to put them in a room without a telephone.
That always does the trick.
Guidance Notes
No. 1. Every socialist government ends in financial disaster.
No. 2. Every socialist policy damages the people it claims to protect.
No. 3. Socialists tell us what they are doing by accusing us of doing it.
No. 4. Socialists are socialists first, before anything else.
No. 5. To learn the motive of any policymaker, FOLLOW THE MONEY.
Once these principles are grasped, a true understanding of what socialists have planned for you, your loved ones and your money can be fully appreciated.
