ZERO!
After ourselves, the conshoomer must always come first.
That is why we've considered the Zero Option.
No sales = no conshoomer detriment.
A perfectly elegant solution to the problem. One might even call it the final solution.
That has a certain ring to it.
Yes, why not persecute financial advisers by charging them exhorbitant fees and generally making their life hell whilst pretending all the time that it's all being done for you lot?
That way, we stay very popular and can make out it's the advisers who are the enemy.
Just like Hitler did with the Jews!
Why, we could even force them to charge you lot a fee instead of the jolly old commission thingy which, up until now, has served everyone (including us) so very well. Of course, we're going on commission whilst we're forcing the financial advisers (greedy, greedy lot) to come off it.
But the great thing about persecuting advisers is that we've always got someone to blame for our mistakes.
DID YOU KNOW THAT WE FORCE THEM TO PAY FOR OUR MISTAKES?
Oh, yes we do!
When the Key Data thing blew up in investors' faces due to our negligence we forced YOUR ADVISER to pay for it! So when we really cock something up we press the button on the FSCS (Fincancial Services Compensation Scheme). It allows us to spread the love around by forcing advisers who are doing the job properly to pay for OUR NEGLIGENCE. We even force them to pay for the advertising for the scheme.
And then, get this, after forcing her to pay up for our mistakes we still insist that your adviser meets our capital adequacy requirements! And if she doesn't we'll close her down. Ha, ha, ha!
But we have to be careful with all this merriment.
There could be nobody left to pay our fees (taxes) to protect you from their charging you too much, if you see what we mean.
So, we've abandoned the Zero Option. For now.
We've put it in a red box on the wall with a glass front with IN EMERGENCY SMASH GLASS carefully engraved on it.
Nice touch.
Guidance Notes
No. 1. Every socialist government ends in financial disaster.
No. 2. Every socialist policy damages the people it claims to protect.
No. 3. Socialists tell us what they are doing by accusing us of doing it.
No. 4. Socialists are socialists first, before anything else.
No. 5. To learn the motive of any policymaker, FOLLOW THE MONEY.
Once these principles are grasped, a true understanding of what socialists have planned for you, your loved ones and your money can be fully appreciated.
